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No. 382

A few people asked me to crunch some actual data on whether we should focus on basketball as the national sport of the Philippines versus other sports. I am happy to report that the results of this complex, difficult and thorough data analysis of the 2018 Asian Games data are now available. The results are as expected and are contained in the attached table and pie chart.

Paper Abstract:

The Philippines is a beautiful archipelago that comprises over 7,000 islands with a total land area of 300,000 square kilometers and total population of 106 million inhabitants. Despite posting world dominating performances in sports such as boxing, weightlifting, golf and martial arts, the Philippine nation has developed an unusual obsession with the American sport of basketball, that has persisted despite consistently poor performances in this sport at the Asian Games and the Olympics.

Our data analysis of 2018 Asian Games data found that the Philippines should immediately cease playing basketball completely, instead replacing it with pretty much any other sport in the known universe (p-value = 0.001). Our analysis also found that the most viable and realistic strategy for transitioning the nation away from basketball include:

* Surprise ball deflation, whereby volunteers who want more PH Olympic medals ambush both professional and amateur basketball games and release air pressure from the ball whilst it is in play.

* Channel scrambling, whereby concerned volunteers obtain after hours access to televisions located in public places, and subsequently deprogram all channels that display the PBA or NBA.

Our study also finds that, within the Philippines, there lies a large unsupported group of athletes, whose opportunities have been stifled by the national obsession with basketball. These potential world beating athletes are actively training in the sports of weightlifting, boxing, golf, taekwondo and other sports, but receive little to no corporate and governmental support whilst watching the bulk of sponsor funds go toward basketball - a sport largely imposed upon the Philippines by colonial rule. Our predictive model finds that an immediate redistribution of sponsor funding to these promising athletes would result in a five fold increase in medal haul for the Philippines at the 2028 Los Angeles Summer Olympic Games.

Reyes, I. (2018). "Where are the medals? A longitudinal study on the prevalence and efficacy of basketball in the Philippines." International Journal of Satire, 31(6), 989-1007.


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